Keplan is southeast of Hfar in the great forest, south of the Pinecrest Mountains.  They have been reporting seasoned hunters not returning.  Search parties coming up empty handed. 

We took the train to Hfar.  Knick rode in a barrel to keep moist.  What a gross word. 

We arrived at some standing stones in the woods.  There was a serpent or dragon on the stones that Gideon said was named Guantánamo.  Probably.  Melaina said absolutely not.  This was some pagan heretical bullshit.  Someone clearly comes by here to maintain this place, but we found no reason to linger. 

Qualia and Melaina got into it.  Melaina said that she was not going to deny someone their choices and their freedom.  Nine times out of ten it’s the mainstream religions that are “right.” 

The subject turned to Dartan.  Always Dartan.  There is not enough shoes in the world to shame him enough.  They suggested I throw shoes that were heavier, or spiked.  I’m trying to hurt his pride, but his pride is dead according to Melaina.   

We camped and took watches.  Knick was not allowed.  They cannot be trusted.  I stood on their barrel as I took the first watch.  I did not notice as the oak trolls started to close in.  They only took fire damage when they were shrouded, which was most of the time.  We looked rough when the fight was over. 

I got us extremely lost and few found a cave. This is not the town we’re looking for, but how could we resist?  There was mushrooms.  Amara identified one of them as raging henbane.  Knick will paint hers blue and sell it to old people.  They like blue caps for when they get Frisky. 

We made it to Keplan.  I changed into my female form and they nicknamed me Shits and Giggles and threatened to tickle me.  Melaina is into some strange things I want no part of. 

We spoke to Alexi, a man with two peglegs.  Melania told him to avoid beaches.  He said there isn’t many of them left.  Only five.  The last search party didn’t return.  They are considering leaving at the end of the week.  The search party followed the hunters out the other side of town into the black forest.  There are unholy sounds that come from the forest at night.  Some sort of accursed creature.  Similar to a moose in heat.  He thinks that is what has been taking the villagers.  Typically a group of 5 would go into the woods for five to six days and come back with a beast.  Food stores are getting low. 

Melania asked if he could provide anything to assist us in our journey.  Alexi offered pie.  Everyone perked up.  Then he said it was bear pie.  What’s the opposite of perking up?  Perking down?  No, that doesn’t make sense.  Regardless, Melaina told him Bear have a lot of parasites and are not good to eat.  He said its not too bad with berry compote. 

We headed into the woods as it was getting dark.  We set up camp and made a big fire to attract the beast.  It was a Wendigo.  We killed it, but it had effected Melaina’s memory.  Knick tried repeatedly to swindle her. 

Knick said, “I didn’t know she was Wesley’s grandmother.”  It was some sort of brilliant bank scheme.  Another bad person.  Can a person have more than one nemesis?  I will think on this.

There was a letter aggressively nailed to the door.  Written in the tiniest font possible is a note that roughly read “Hello, fellow humans, it is I, Tax Evasion.  I have fallen for classic human trap and now need human help.”   
 
Gideon and Dartan think this is a trap set up by a rat.  They recently the went on a mission where people were controlled by rats pulling on parts of your hair.  There was a rat king amalgamation of rats all smushed together.  Fork Lift was the controller of Harrision who originally wrote to the guild.  The rats are fine as long as you play along.  We need to liberate the people with red hats. 

We found out that a drow fella with white coffin tattoo on the back of his hand repeatedly stabbed Gideon one hundred and two years ago.  He “woke up” about two years ago. 

We are going to the town that is a 3 day walk away.  You know the one.  It was decided to take a carriage instead and I was peer pressured into paying for one of the days.  Gideon taught Piprim how to play cards. 

We went to the fancy cheese side of town, so I put on my nice suit.  This side of town is run by Archibald and he has something in the basement we need to get to.   

We should knock the hats off and attack the rats underneath.  There is no need to hurt the people who are likely to attack us.  Piprim talked to a woman named Cheesecake Factory and they moved like a marionette.  They were very interested in cheese.  She asked if we were here for the festivities. 

Allergic Reaction has cheese wine.  We should speak to him.  No one wanted cheese wine.  Instead we spoke with  Mild Concussion who directed us to Unpaid Parking Ticket to get some shredded cheese to lift our spirits. 

Bikaji said something unpleasant followed by, “All my thoughts are thoughts are outside thoughts.” 

Piprim make an error in judgement and mentioned the name Roof Tile.  There was no rat by that name.  They asked is he had meant Moldy Spores.  

Divorce papers is selling cheese hats.  The rats play sports like any of the normal humans do. Full contact football with a tongue of a cow.  Shirts and skins.  When you get hit with the tongue it makes a slap sound and everyone in the crowd go “OOOOOOO I bet that hurt.” 

Gideon called out that he was going to do a card trick.  The crowd was concerned about Satanism, but Gideon brushed that off by saying he was an illusionist.  Not a magician.  Bikaji used the opportunity to case a spell that killed13 rats at once.  The people beneath were knocked unconscious. 

I asked why Dartan acts the way he does when he got plenty of hugs as a child.  He said, “My mother was an embodiment, she didn’t have a physical form.”  I trust Melaina more than my nemesis, but we had bigger problems to solve than arguing about it. 

We went to Archibald’s house and talked our way in with me posing as Egg the rat.  He spilled the beans and told us that familiars get blamed for the cost of being conjured back after being sacrificed.  Archibald was very upset when he realized he’d be bamboozled.  He’d had names all picked out for the party: Cigarette Wizard, Gravy Knife, Meat Lantern, Bonesaw, and Rust Bucket. 

Archibald elaborated that the rat king takes care of them regularly and provided him with all the rats.  His true name is Marshall.  He doesn’t have a moral compass.  He’s a rat.  It was fabled that he is the collective of what happens to all familiar rats when they die over and over.  An amalgamation.  His manifestation has turned him into the rat king.  The rats are caring for him, rebuilding him, and got him a gun.  I punched the rat off his head.  Dead. 

In the basement another rat suggested I drill a hole through my eye socket and stick the tail inside to direct wire into the brain.  I found lots of coffins and bodies in different states of decay that have been discarded. 

Gideon warned us Marshall has a breath weapon.  I bravely repositioned to get out of the breath.  I heard Piprim say, “First you beat kids, then you beat meat.  Come on!”  I’m glad I left the room. 

Gideon took Marshall down with a card.  From its corpse one single tiny magical rat.  It was a plushy that Gideon put on his shoulder.

Wesley told us that we need to go to a village near Mount Vidal.  Strange “children” are running around and harrassing people.  Things are getting set on fire.  There is lava popping up.  They are said to stand like they are trying to poop their pants.  Real children yearn for the mines.  These are not children.  They are offering each of us 200 gold pieces to resolve the issue. 

Wesley gave us keys to the boat.  Knick isn’t allowed to drive due to a grand theft auto incident where they crashed one boat.  Or several.  This was unclear.  However, it was clarified that no one should put wheels on a boat and then run people over.  Knick thought it sounded like a good idea after 4 rums.  Gideon told her she drinks wrong.  Whiskey all the way.  She says it’s too bitter. 

The scam started immediately after arriving.  Knick wanted to know about pay for the travel that was promised.  Nonsense.  Gideon told me not to snitch.  The woman that she was trying to extort let us know that Zebidiah from the philosophy club at community college joined the military and was overseas, but he’s back in town. 

I went to speak with Zebidiah and he was a wealth of information. So much so that we decided to ignore the rest of the village. 

He told us that the creatures come in the morning.  Arrows and greatswords phase through them.  They have the weird stance that toddlers make when they are pooping.  They can definitely set stuff on fire.  They are medium-sized.  For sure.  They wear suspenders and diapers.  Only have three toes.  This is on each foot, not total.  When they come, they set things on fire, take food, and leave.  He thinks they are coming from just right down the road.  There is a cave with a lot of lava in it.  The lava is new since they showed up.   
 
He also filled us in that Matilda is distraught because one of them took her barrel of pomegrante wine.  She had to import them!  She did not want mead and refused to add honey per Zebidiah’s suggestion. 

We should head north past the second sign that says This Way.  Ignore the first sign that says This Way. It leads the wrong way.  In their village everyone works and gets the benefit, but no one wants to work. 

Zebidiah business is rebuilding vintage chariots.  Every once in a while people in their later years in life stop on in.  Generally they are wearing leather jackets. He advertises his services on the little blue pills from the pharmacy.  His last name is Johnson, and the pharmacist he bribes is also named Johnson.  What a side hustle! 

Knick tried to scheme with me acting as Wesley.  Absolutely not. 

Incontinent clown came out of the lava and went back in.  I threw a rock in the lava and 8 mephits came out.  I dug deep and pulled out a nightmare shroud of pure fear.  6 of them dropped on the spot. 

We went deeper in to the cave and found 4 diaper babies and three tar dinosaur elementals.  I very quickly ran around unleashing fear on all of them.  

The bad person still has a fixation of harming children.  He swung his metal weapons at the diaper babies repeatedly after being told it wouldn’t work.  Even after seeing it with his own two eyes he continued to try.  He eventually wised up and punched one to death.  Then continued to punch it.  What a monster. 

Knick looked very crusty.  Qualia turned her into a misty cloud, and invited her into her water skin. 

We found fireweaver gloves on one of the diaper babies.  I kept them. 

Qualia had party invitations and candles that didn’t match.  She may in fact be a child.

Gary was pacing around the Salty Siren.  “Thank you for coming to my pack meeting.”  He was wearing a tinfoil hat and was all twitchy.  He wanted us to raid a temple.  That was a hard no from everyone.  “The hat keeps whispering violence.”  Penny and Kobal helped to find a temple where a moon sickle was located.  Pack contribution reward system was offered. 

We get to the twin moon temples that only appear at night.  We need to get there before the eclipse that happens tonight.  Not too far from Springreach. Need to get both temples to agree that Gary can have the moon sickle.  They are at odds with each other. 

Blathnat told me that she dog walked Dartan his first day at the guild.  Slapped kid had to pull doubles because he was four hours late for his shift. 

There are two temples.  One honors Solalara the watcher.  The other honors Theros the veiled one.  We went to the smaller temple first.  Theros. 

The Theros temple had been there for centuries.  It was still standing, although in a state of disrepair.  We met a man outside.  He told Gary, who was in wolf form, that he was a good boy.  Gary for some reason continued to act like a dog.  Brother Clarance said that Gary can consider him the pack leader for now...  Gary told him that he came for the moon sickle.  “You seek Yuna’s artifact.  Why do you seek this out?”  He kept muttering about how this was auspicious.  Gary said because he was an alpha leader and he needs to protect his pack.  He can’t lose anyone else.  “What’s the application process?”  Gary said with a puppy dog look.  We were told, “When you get to Solara tell them that brother Clarance has given you his blessing.” 

Gary seemed more disturbed when he spoke of Kobal.  All I got out of the story was that he was dead. 

The temple of Solara was a much grander building.  Solara is the larger moon and is brighter in the night sky then Theros, so this did make some sense.  Gary knocked at the door and there was no answer.  He knocked again and we heard, “I’m coming! I’m coming!  So many stairs.”  A small gnome greeted us.  She also said auspicious.  Odd.  Selune is the goddess of the moon Solara.  Despite it not being visible in the sky for a moment it will be illuminated.  One of her more recent champions met there end in a dark place.  Put aside first impressions.  I advised him to stop talking an nod more when the woman looked irritated.  If the moon goddess does wish you to be her new champion you might find the answers you seek within the moon grove at the bottom of the ravine.  She says Clarance is an idiot.  All he talks about is the wrong moon and personal finances.  “How do we get our champion champiafied?” Bram asked.  She pointed at the very obvious ravine. 

Gary once again tried to involve me with his financial advice.  I pretended not to hear him comments about investing and 401Ks. That's grooming behavior.

Gary guided us deep within the ravine.  Gary called Bram and Omega which confused Bram greatly.  Gary said “Something is screaming at me that this is the right location.”  He licked a pool of water.  A water spirit named Yuna— at least that was her name in life—asked who he was and why he was here.  Gary once again said he needed to be stronger to protect his pack.  “Many have fallen, and many more surely will, but if you seek the weapon Selune bestowed upon me in life.  After the eclipse the grove will not be safe for her worshipers.”  If we can make it safe again, since some of the creatures may be irritable.  She directed us to a good place to draw the attention of the creatures.   

The eclipse happened.  It created a crimson horn-like shape.  Gary hurried us along to a point where made a very loud noise to draw things in. Wave after wave of horrible creatures attacked. 
 
When we returned to Yuna’s pool we found Gary’s moon sickle waiting for him.  Gary is Selune’s new champion.  He left tinfoil hat at the edge of the pool.

“We all might die, but that is where a family heirloom of mine is,” was the introduction Bikaji gave us to this mission of hers.  Vignetto was our destination.   

Plan to get there teleport to Avistan and then get to the border.  Crossing the border is a bad idea, but that is a later problem.  The land is tainted there and ripe with all sorts of horrid abominations that will stand in the way of our goals.  We should ask the church of Pellor for aid as they are enemies.    

The crown might be a little bit on the evil side.  This doesn’t leave the table.  They spoke a lot of a monster named Dartan who harmed children.  Gary invited me to join a school about betas, alphas, and financial management.  I politely declined. 

We teleported to Avistan and were greeted by well armored men.  Captain Halsin, a member of the church guard, greeted us.  They asked a few questions.  Piprim insisted he was a gnome and they were highly offended by the goliath’s dishonesty.  Bikaji explained that a feywild heirloom ended up in Vignetto.  They stiffened, but listened to her story.  They agreed that if we could take any power out Vignetto they supported the cause. 

We traveled from Solaria to New Sule via carriage.  The border of Oscara had a mist at the edge that did not move.  It is said that it’s cursed by the Duke to keep Avistan out.  Edwina noticed pockets of land where green bubbling liquid sizzled and bubbled.  This seems to be where the bad air was coming from.  It was everywhere. 

The crown was stolen from the Duke long ago by an agent of Avistan that fell and no one really knows what happened to them.  Edwina and Bikaji tried to figure out the path they may have taken.  Some of the gas began to drift closer.  There were lights inside.  A whip of smoke came toward Blathnat.  We were surrounded by them.  Blathnat, Edwina, and Gary were sucked into one.  We destoyed them and moved father into that cursed land. 

Fungal slime has grown over the corpses of some knights of Pelor.  We threw rocks at them for a while.  Unsuccessful.  Really a sad showing of strength. Piprim approached and there was a puff of spores they began to stand.  We destroyed them and took all their valuables.  They had a journal that sent out 75 years ago searching for the burial place of a fallen saint. 

We found a gigantic winged skeleton in celestial armor.  The crown was in its chest cavity.  Bikaji went to retrieve it and a creature arose.  It seemed to have an argument with itself.  It looked relieved when we killed it. 

We returned to Avistan with information and the belongings of the fallen paladins.  We were rewarded for our efforts.

I was directed to the Adventurer’s Guild in my search for Be’bop.  A red-haired woman named Penny directed me to a meeting room where two adventurer’s were meeting with the head of the guild, Wesley.  The two woman were named Qualia and Blathnat and both were accompanied by birds.  I was told that Be’bop has opened a business called The Cog.  Since I required employment I agreed to accompany these ladies to Rikevist. 

We arrived in a town with a marshy, earthy aroma.  There was also a smoke in the air.  They apparently made bricks there.  The man that owned the brickyard, Giani, who requested the guild’s assistance finding missing employees.  He was very dirty and appeared to also work amongst his employees.  Some have them have been missing a few days, some a few weeks.  His business is falling farther and farther behind and losing money.  “Some people just want to see the world burn,” was his reason why.  Someone at one of the pubs must be trying to lure them off into the swamp according to witnesses.  They head north.  He has not seen any unusual people in town, but the owner of the pub might.  Giani knows most of the townsfolk and employees three quarters of them.  Someone may have found clay out in the swamp.  It’s not hard to make bricks. 

We went to the pub.  A dragonborn man was working there.  His name was Garm.  There is an old ruined monastery three days north.  He thinks someone has been luring them there.  He refuses to tell us who he thinks it is.  He wants to keep his reputation in case he is wrong.  He offered us moss sandwiches.  I said, “Ugh” under my breath.  He misheard and said, “No it’s not Mmmm, but it is nutritious.”  The sandwiches had a thick slimey moss you find on trees.  The texture was awful.  The dark bread full of seeds was also unpleasant. I ate it to be polite but also because I require sustenance to survive.  The chickens went missing recently.  Maybe it’s goblins.  There are a lot of those in the swamp. 

Garm directed us to a merchant at the dock yard.  I purchased clothes for traveling through the swamp. 

We were attacked in the swamp by a corrupting ooze and 3 bagiennik.  After defeating them we rested. 

In the morning we traveled to the monastery.  It was crumbling and returning to nature.  There was nothing in the ruined houses but bugs.  We were attacked by skeletons.  Inside there were more skeletons and a potato wearing an opal bra and pink miniskirt that Blathnat was very interested in.  One of them was very large.  It was comprised of multiple skeletons.  We found nothing of interest except some renovation plans for the monastery. Outside we found a statue of Lathander showing off his nipples. 

We returned to Giani with the plans.  He said he would like to keep them even though he has no plans of restoring it. There are a lot of bricks there.  Blathnat said something about unions, but I had already mentally moved on.