I arrived at the Adventurer's Guild today, and as usual, the room became noticeably more interesting the moment I entered. Some people might say this is because I was a new recruit. Those people would be wrong. Wesley Mystralath, the guildmaster himself, appeared immediately excited to meet me. He seemed nervous, protective, and strangely concerned that I had actually read the 10-99 contract. Many would interpret this as administrative surprise. I interpreted it correctly: admiration. Before our journey began, I distributed lavender flowers and homemade cookies to everyone. The effects were immediate. Spirits lifted. Smiles appeared. Hope returned to weary faces. I have long suspected that kindness is one of the Goddess's greatest gifts, though being beautiful certainly doesn't hurt.

It was there that I met my companions. First was Gideon, an undead gambler searching for the mysterious drow who murdered him. He attempted to hide his fascination with me by talking almost exclusively about revenge and death. Men often do this when overwhelmed by their feelings. Then there was Echo, a shapeshifter capable of becoming anyone, yet for some reason they spent the entire day watching me. Curious. Very curious. Finally there was Knicks, a criminal fish person who once scammed Wesley's mother and is currently on work release. Despite being a hardened criminal, they immediately seemed interested in my opinions, my safety, and my snacks. Thus began our adventure.

Wesley informed us of a secret mission and directed us toward the Dancing Dragon Inn, where we were to meet a mysterious contact. Naturally, I accepted with grace and courage. Along the way I prepared lunch for everyone. The meal was universally adored, though some attempted to conceal their appreciation. I noticed. I always notice. Knicks required an entire barrel of water and a rented carriage because fish people apparently dry out if left unattended. This was my first indication that adventuring might be stranger than I originally anticipated.

By the time we arrived at the inn it was quite late. Echo transformed into a bustling older woman in an effort to command more respect. Personally, I find being myself has always been sufficient. The bartender welcomed us warmly. Echo ordered ale. Gideon ordered whiskey. I ordered the local whiskey because I wished to experience the culture. Unfortunately, it tasted like a horse had kicked a burning tree into a barrel. I immediately handed it to Gideon, who accepted without complaint. Another clear sign of devotion. The bartender then prepared me a ham and cheese sandwich despite the late hour. He prepared nothing for Gideon. I did not wish to jump to conclusions, but the evidence was accumulating rapidly.

As we enjoyed our meal, a mysterious masked woman approached our table. She asked if we were from the guild, though I suspect she already knew. She explained that a faction known as the Emerald Order had stolen a precious relic called the Rokma Stone many years ago. The Emerald Order, we learned, was a dragon cult made up of mages who once worked alongside her people before betraying them and stealing the stone. The relic itself was a massive gray gemstone roughly six inches across. Ancient. Powerful. Valuable. Almost as important as me. Almost. While discussing strategy, everyone kept looking in my direction. Some might argue they were simply speaking to the group. I know better.

Echo suggested infiltration. Knicks suggested getting cultists naked. I decided not to ask follow-up questions because I am a paladin and sometimes ignorance is a gift from the Goddess.

We reached the cult's hideout after nightfall and immediately discovered human bones scattered near the entrance. This felt like a poor sign. Everyone attempted to sneak into the compound. Everyone succeeded. I rolled terribly. I have concluded this was the Goddess ensuring the others would not become overconfident. Inside we discovered a strange scroll written in Draconic. Knicks translated it while simultaneously discussing their lifelong dream of scamming a dragon and stealing its hoard. Again, I was reminded why they are on work release.

As we explored, everyone seemed drawn toward stealing things. Echo found crates full of apples and supplies. Someone discovered gold. I found a fountain and tossed a copper coin into it, making a wish. Knicks immediately stole the coin. At first I was upset. Then I realized they probably wanted a keepsake. Echo later discovered jars full of herbs, spices, powders, teas, and ingredients. I took them for safekeeping because feeding people is a sacred responsibility and because I plan to become an excellent cook.

Eventually Echo opened a creaky door and accidentally woke several cultists. Somehow they convinced the cultists we were simply lost travelers. This worked far better than it should have. The cultists seemed warm, happy, fed, clothed, and oddly content. For a brief moment I wondered if we had accidentally infiltrated a pleasant community center. Then everything immediately went wrong.

Combat erupted. Echo struck one cultist so hard that he became stunned. Knicks promptly stabbed the same man in the neck. Once again, I understood why they are on work release. We acquired cult robes and continued deeper into the complex. Along the way we encountered a cultist named Liam. Rather than killing him, I convinced everyone to spare his life and suggested he consider joining the Adventurer's Guild. I believe in redemption. Also, people have a difficult time refusing me when I am being inspirational.

Later we encountered a locked door. Three thieves attempted to open it. They struggled. They debated. They investigated. They failed. I removed my crowbar and obliterated the obstacle in moments. The resulting silence from the group was deeply satisfying. Knicks informed me that "old people have good locks," a statement that somehow raised more questions than it answered.

Eventually we reached the Temple of Five Dragons. Five enormous dragon busts surrounded a courtyard of sacred altars. Four altars were lit while the fifth remained dark. We lit the final altar, expecting something dramatic to happen. Nothing did. This was disappointing. Beneath one altar we discovered a gauntlet. Knicks immediately grabbed it and nearly died. Echo saved them with a potion. Beneath another altar I discovered a beautiful beaded necklace adorned with a dragon-head pendant. Echo immediately stopped me from touching it, claiming it might be trapped. Their concern for my safety grows increasingly difficult to ignore.

More battles followed. More cultists fell. More suspicious relics were discovered. Thanks to my angelic nature, I endured radiant energies that would have harmed lesser heroes. Eventually we found a large key hidden beneath the final altar. The key unlocked the ancient tomb we had been searching for all along—the resting place of the stolen Rokma Stone.

Thus concludes the first chapter of my adventure. Today I learned many valuable lessons. First, everyone loves cookies. Second, criminal fish people cannot be trusted around wishing wells. Third, whiskey is disgusting. Fourth, crowbars are divine instruments. Fifth, cultists are surprisingly easy to confuse. Sixth, if multiple people spend an entire day protecting you, worrying about you, accepting flowers from you, complimenting your cooking, and following you through dangerous ruins, they are probably in love with you. I shall continue gathering evidence. Strictly for scientific purposes, of course.

Wesley received a vague letter.  It said to head to the Dancing Dragon Inn.  Meet “L”.  They are having concerns.  Discretion is advised is the best way to put it.  They believe they—and other members of their organization—are in danger.  Meet them at the inn, and they will approach us. 

Wesley seemed concerned that Sapphyre actually read her 1099.  Knick said she never got one, and Wesley was trying to kill her.   

Even the brand-new girl new that Knick has tried to rip off Wesley’s grandmother.  Knick’s response was, “She shouldn’t have signed it.” 

We were told that the small inn is between Springreach and Willowcreek.  A single building with a faded sign that might be tough to spot.  We found it and most of us headed to the bar to order drinks.  Knick wandered the bar eating off tables like a savage.  The bartender didn’t seem to mind as long as she didn’t drop anything on the floor as he had just mopped.  Knick asked if she could drink the alcohol on the floor and clarified that she meant was still in the bottle.  Not literally on the floor, “That’s gross.  I take showers.” 

Knick asked the bartender if he knew how to make a shark bite?  I thought it was a joke with a bad punch line like, “Poke it with a stick.”  No.  Apparently it’s a drink.  

A masked WOMAN joined us and Knick started off with a good impression, “Hello, Sir.”  She corrected Knick with a very cold, “It’s madam." 

She explained that something had been stolen from the order she belongs to. She and her sisters would like our assistance in retrieving it. 
 
Knick kept saying something about being loose to the client who seemed confused as I was. Sapphyre said that Knick was loose like a hot dog down a hallway.  It was later clarified that Knick has little understanding of what loose means on the surface and that she refers to her genitals as a seabed.  She’s also a racist that calls us all landwalkers. 

ANYWAY... The thieves are a group known as the Emerald Order.  The madam said she would be polite and not say they are a dragon cult.  That absolutely sounds like a call out.  They are an order of mages.  The groups used to have an alliance and work together.  Because of a rift that happened long ago, they chose to steal the Rakma stone—an item of historic importance to her order.  Their order would be the only other ones to know that it was something worth stealing.  They have a headquarters in the Golden Gorge. 

The Rakma stone is a large gray gemstone about 6 inches in diameter. 

The Emerald Order wear emerald green robes.  “One on one I’ll get them out of their clothes.”  Knick clarified, “With my words to be clear.”  First part of their complex is where new initiates stay.  Deeper in is where you’ll find senior members.  There is a central courtyard next to the chapel.  She believes it would be in either the courtyard or chapel.  

We are to return to the Inn with the stone. 

As always, Knick told the newcomer, “If you notice anything, don’t tell Wesley.” 

When we arrived we could see humanoid bones.  We could tell because of the ears.  We snuck through the halls finding more bones.  We found a scroll in draconic.  “Dragons are the best to scam.  They’ve got the best money,” said you know who.  The scroll read, “This is the hall of the Five dragons.  Blessings to all that enter here.” 

We broke into some crates and found apples and 9 gold. 

Sapphyre tossed a coin in a fountain and made a wish.  Knick took it and they argued about lost wishes. 

We met an initiate named Liam.  He keeps the rooms clean and is in the cooking rotation. He’s only been here about a week.  He told us to talk to Brother Nableth to get settled in, but he’s not here now.  He thought we might be a few days early.  Mab and a few other brothers went out a few days ago.  Not sure exactly what, but it was something about an archeological find.   

Gideon asked him about a locked door and was told it was to a supply room.  Most of the dry goods and potion ingredients.  Liam ran off to grab the key from the kitchen.  On our explorations we ran into another brother.  I was wearing Liam’s face.  That was a mistake as he had just spoken to the real Liam.  We had to kill the man.  Real Liam stripped to his underwear and ran away. 

Found a pipe of smoke monsters, 400 gold, acid trap on gold chest, and a large key. 

We snuck past a group of men and into the chapel and courtyard.  There were dragon headed statues mounted over lighted brasiers.  They did not give off heat, but they sure did give off radiant damage!  There we artifacts underneath all of them to Sir George the Warden last of the dragon knights.   

I sat in on a meeting that was a recruitment scheme thinly veiled as youth outreach. 

We spent forever trying to figure out what the last item would be to light the last dragon statue.  It was the key the whole time!