Level
9
Experience
54,360 XP
Through her short adventuring career his attitude on life and death have began to shift. Lepora's views on death and necromancy have undergone a gradual but significant transformation. Once firmly convinced that respecting the dead meant leaving them undisturbed, her relationships with Lola and Sevas have challenged beliefs she previously considered absolute. Through them, she has come to recognize that respect is owed to the individual rather than to her own rigid understanding of what death should entail. While she still believes the dead should generally be allowed to rest, she no longer considers disturbing their remains inherently disrespectful. More importantly, she has begun to question whether rest should be a right afforded to the dead or an obligation imposed upon them. Her reverence for death remains unchanged, but her understanding of what it means to honor it has become considerably more nuanced.
___________________________________________________________
Notoriety 3:
Killed a unicorn
GM: Lola -8 || Sapphyre -12Bikaji, Daxo, Sevas, and I each received a mysterious black envelope sealed with red wax bearing the sigil of a black dragon. We were instructed to gather at the tavern before opening our correspondence. How delightfully clandestine.
The letter, which I shall paraphrase, explained that our mysterious benefactor sought a particular item currently being withheld by the Lathanderites. We were promised handsome compensation for retrieving this prized possession, although the author neglected to identify it beyond assuring us that we would know it when we saw it.
Enclosed was a map directing us to a temple in Dawnwater.
We warned Daxo to avoid the Lathanderites in the park during the first and last weekends of each month, as they have an unfortunate habit of sunning their anuss in public. I have nothing against unconventional religious practices, but surely the Morninglord does not require such an intimate view of his followers.
We teleported to Hollowhold and continued to Dawnwater on horseback. Unfortunately, none of the specialty packages offered by Stablemen's Stables and Carriages appealed to me, so I selected a rather ordinary black horse. I am in mourning, after all, and was pleased that the establishment could accommodate my circumstances without insisting upon something excessively cheerful.
Upon arriving at the temple, we encountered a woman engaged in precisely the activity we had warned Daxo about.
There she was, sunning her anus.
She offered some explanation involving the root chakra, the hips, and maintaining harmony with the universe. I confess I found her reasoning considerably less interesting than her apparent conviction that exposing one's anus to direct sunlight constituted spiritual enlightenment.
Talune promptly joined her, presenting his own undead posterior to the heavens.
Inside, we were informed that the temple maintained a strict policy requiring towels to be placed beneath one's bottom before sitting on the furniture. Apparently, this was necessary to preserve the cleanliness of the establishment.
The gentleman explaining this policy was a dwarf who appeared entirely hairless from the beard down. I elected not to inquire.
When questioned about our presence, I explained that we were fragile women in need of protection during our travels.
One of the Lathanderites immediately corrected me.
"There is no such thing as fragile women."
How tiresome.
I am not accustomed to being contradicted so casually, particularly when I have gone to the trouble of presenting such a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Our hairless host also informed us that the temple possessed no reliquaries or particularly valuable religious artifacts. What they did have, however, was a rather unusual pet named Rain.
Rain was a flying cat with a golden horn who had appeared at the temple not long ago. There was also a full-grown unicorn residing near the pond.
Now, that was interesting.
I recalled that unicorns are peculiar celestial creatures, generally associated with small territories they claim as their domains. Despite their celestial origins, they frequently interact with the Fey.
Rain explained that they had only recently come into existence and possessed an extraordinary fondness for cupcakes, gifts, and rainbows. They also claimed to possess the ability to smell evil.
Curiously, Rain regarded nearly everyone in our party with suspicion, except Daxo.
I found that rather rude.
After some discussion, we decided that hunting unicorns would be preferable to massacring an entire temple congregation. A sensible compromise, I thought.
Before departing, we were graciously invited to attend mass on Tuesday.
Our investigation eventually led us to an abandoned speakeasy, which seemed a rather unusual feature of the local religious landscape.
Later, while traveling through the woods, we were confronted by Rain, two Lathanderites, and a pair of giant eagles.
They attacked us.
One of the Lathanderites had a nipple painted onto their body. That was certainly a choice.
We killed them all.
Naturally, I took the opportunity to examine Rain's brain, which I subsequently consumed.
What an extraordinary experience.
Rather than the usual assortment of memories, regrets, and unpleasant revelations, I encountered an overwhelming sensation of joy. Rain had apparently existed as a herald of hopes and dreams, entirely unfamiliar with sorrow or despair.
Imagine that. An existence untouched by grief, disappointment, or the knowledge that everything beautiful must eventually perish.
How terribly incomplete.
The experience was so profoundly saccharine that I promptly vomited rainbows.
Fortunately, the experience also revealed the unicorn's location.
We tracked down the creature and encountered two pegasi accompanying it. All three were subsequently dispatched.
Our activities apparently attracted further celestial attention, as two winged creatures resembling bull and lion descended from the heavens, accompanied by two devas.
How very dramatic.
They, too, perished before us.
I do hope our mysterious benefactor appreciates the considerable trouble we endured in pursuit of this unidentified prize.
All things considered, it was a rather pleasant day. We enjoyed a lovely ride through the countryside, investigated an unusual religious establishment, encountered several fascinating celestial specimens, and witnessed a remarkable demonstration of the digestive consequences of excessive happiness.
The only truly objectionable aspect was the extraordinary number of exposed anuss.
I sincerely hope never to see another. With one exception.
GM: Lola -8 || Sapphyre -12We were given remarkably little information about this mission. I eventually abandoned any hope of understanding what had transpired. From what I could gather, the party had visited a carnival the previous day and left behind a gentleman named Wilber, who was apparently a druid. Why they left him behind, and why this had become our problem, remained unclear.
Wesley insisted upon formal introductions and, to my considerable displeasure, forced us to wear the most odious blue nametags. They clashed horribly with my mourning attire. I cannot imagine what possessed him to believe such things were necessary.
Among those introduced was a rather fleshy-looking Talune, who identified himself as a dragonborn paladin of Selûne. I made my disapproval of his life choices quite clear, particularly his unfortunate lack of a tail. I much prefer the deceased Talune. Death has apparently done wonders for his character.
Our destination was Pottsfield, a settlement just up the road from Willow Creek. During the journey, I was informed that a group of friendly undead had been operating a carnival there. The previous day's festivities had apparently been proceeding quite pleasantly until a group of Quakers attacked.
Naturally, the party killed them.
Given my extensive experience riding Lola's bone, I considered myself exceptionally qualified to rent the Skeleton Bundle from Stablemen's Stables and Carriages. Unfortunately, the package also included a hideous polyester skeleton costume. I cannot imagine an occasion on which I would willingly wear such a thing. The material alone is an offense against good taste, and the imitation bones are anatomically insulting.
We eventually arrived at the Autumn Carnival, where we encountered a maypole named Enoch. Surrounding him were the corpses of several Quakers, rather unceremoniously displayed upon stakes.
Among the deceased was Wilber, the very gentleman we had been sent to retrieve. Apparently, Enoch intended to assimilate his remains and was rather unwilling to surrender them.
Rather than immediately resolving the matter, we elected to enjoy the carnival attractions. Ethan remained behind to speak with Enoch, although I was too far away to hear the conversation and, quite frankly, insufficiently interested to investigate.
I visited a fortune teller, which proved to be a rather unpleasant experience. At some point during our interaction, I developed a dreadful headache and experienced a peculiar sense of detachment from myself. For several moments, I struggled to recall even the simplest things.
I found the experience deeply unsettling. I have always considered my mind to be one of my more dependable organs, and I do not appreciate having its contents rearranged without my permission.
Fortunately, the carnival offered more agreeable diversions.
I consumed five pies.
Pumpkin remains my favorite.
Later, however, I found myself participating in a most undignified wrestling competition against a woman named Rotting Corpse. The contest required us to wrestle in the nude, in an enormous quantity of pumpkin pie filling.
I assure you, despite the rather suggestive circumstances, there was absolutely nothing erotic about the experience. Nothing whatsoever. I also declined to eat any of that pie afterward.
Between the various games and attractions, I accumulated enough tickets to purchase a rather lovely piece of armor. My companions, demonstrating their usual questionable priorities, spent most of their winnings on candy.
I suppose everyone has their own idea of a worthwhile investment.
All things considered, it was a rather pleasant outing, provided one overlooks the unexplained memory disturbance, the publicly displayed corpses, the questionable sanitation practices, and the fact that we had largely neglected the mission we were sent to accomplish until the very last moment.
GM: Lola -8 || Sapphyre -12Wesley was conspicuously absent when we arrived at the Guild. In his place was a peculiar little creature speaking absolute gibberish. He placed three crystals upon the table, which Sevas informed us possessed some sort of "timey-wimey" magic. Whatever the hell that means.
Fortunately, Locke was able to communicate with our visitor in Goblin. His name was Bity Blaze, and apparently someone had attacked a gentleman responsible for constructing robots. More importantly, this gentleman was building Bity a spaceship, and we were expected to rescue him so that he might finish the project.
I inquired about the crystals. Bity assured me that I would know what to do with them when the time was right. I do wish people would stop confusing vague predictions with useful instructions.
Our investigation led us to the crafting market, where Sevas discovered a trail of blood leading inside. We followed it past something resembling a wagon wheel and eventually reached a set of double doors. Beyond them were two mechanical constructs and a peculiar figure lurking in the corner, repeatedly asking, "Who turned out the lights?" The constructs proved hostile and eventually exploded, revealing a small, purple, squid-faced gentleman.
We discovered several purple crystals resembling the blue specimens Bity had entrusted to us. A note explained that these crystals were intended to power the craftsman's unfinished steel golem. Apparently, the gentleman had discovered a small vein of the material but had wisely concealed its location to prevent anyone from using it to power an army of mechanical constructs. The crystals were also highly unstable, which explained the explosions.
The crystal deposit was approximately seven days away, so we elected to rent horses. Locke was unfortunately short of funds, and I provided him with 12 gold pieces.
Before departing, I took the opportunity to sample the brain of our deceased squid-faced adversary. The flavor was unexpectedly complex. There was a distinct tartness reminiscent of cranberry sauce, followed by the unpleasantly fishy taste and texture of sardines. I cannot recommend it. The Shadar-kai brain I sampled previously was considerably more agreeable. It tasted of sadness, which I found rather delicate by comparison.
Fortunately, the experience yielded some fascinating information. These creatures belong to a dying species that has traveled between worlds, systematically exterminating other civilizations out of fear. They also possess a mortal enemy who travels about in a telephone booth. Most remarkable, however, was their discovery of a means to transfer consciousness into cybernetic bodies using the crystals.
After several days of travel, we arrived at the caverns. Outside a large metal door stood a conspicuous red button. Naturally, someone pressed it. The resulting explosion very nearly killed us all. As the blast approached, I noticed that the blue crystals Bity had provided were glowing. With very little time to consider the implications, I threw one toward the explosion. To my astonishment, time began to reverse. Within moments, we found ourselves standing precisely where we had been before the explosion. At least I now understand what Sevas meant by "timey-wimey." I still wish he'd find a less ridiculous term for it.
Locke threw a rock. This triggered the explosion a second time and alerted everything within the cavern to our presence. I am beginning to suspect that the greatest threat to our continued survival is not the creatures we encounter, but the collective judgment of my traveling companions.
We defeated what remained in the cave. I released the architect of the crystals. He gave us a few orbs, but what I really wanted his brain. I didn't think the other adventurers would have left me alive.
GM: Lola -8 || Sapphyre -12Wesley seemed unusually cagey when presenting our latest assignment. He muttered something about an emergency, describing the situation as "a little bit of a weird one."
Apparently, several years ago, the region experienced a gnoll infestation that was ultimately resolved by Craigslist.
Yes, that Craigslist. The organization operating out of Dawnwater, and the Springreach Adventurers' Guild's greatest competition.
They also happen to be the band of fools who insist upon meddling in the affairs of my beloved's family. Something will eventually need to be done about them, but today is not that day. We have a mission to attend to.
Our assignment was to infiltrate the Abyss in the Vetranero Mountains and put a stop to the Demogorgon. Apparently, the region had become the source of an increasingly troublesome drug problem.
The journey would take approximately ten days in each direction by horseback. Naturally, I purchased the Birthday Girl Package from Stablemen's Stables and Carriages. It included a lovely white pony wearing a decorative horn, a magical-looking wand, a birthday girl sash, and a plastic tiara.
During our first night's rest, I took the second watch alongside Talun. At one point, I noticed something twinkling in the bushes and sent him to investigate. He returned carrying a 25-pound wheel of cheese. I presented it to Daxo when he awoke. One mustn't squander such generous gifts from the wilderness.
After a lengthy journey following Wesley's rather crude map, we discovered a cave with a sign prominently displaying the words THE ABYSS, accompanied by an arrow pointing inward.
My companions seemed entirely convinced that we had reached our destination. I found the arrangement suspiciously convenient. To demonstrate the unreliability of such obvious signage, I pulled the sign from the ground and relocated it. Unfortunately, the ground promptly gave way beneath us, sending everyone tumbling into a pool of water. It would appear that we had, in fact, found the correct location.
Rather than the nightmarish landscape I had anticipated, we discovered that the Abyss was operating as a nightclub.
One of the establishment's bouncers was a succubus named Dylan. We learned that the proprietor was none other than the Demogorgon himself. Admission was 50 gold pieces for gentlemen and 25 for ladies.
Several men outside were smoking a peculiar tar-like substance known as black sap. They recommended it enthusiastically, particularly given the abundance of incubi and succubi employed by the establishment. I felt a faintly unpleasant sensation, though I couldn't say whether it was the atmosphere or something in the air. Fortunately, I remained quite myself, entirely unmoved by the establishment's more persuasive charms. A useful quality when surrounded by creatures whose entire profession seems to involve manipulating one's desires.
Inside, we encountered a kenku who offered us tea to aid digestion. How thoughtful. The creature also handed me a bag of mushrooms and instructed me to "go and meet god." The kenku appeared to expect payment, so I provided 10 gold pieces. My companions unanimously agreed that this was a considerable overpayment. The kenku apparently agreed as well, because I was promptly given an additional bag of mysterious white powder.
Elsewhere, Daxo ordered a grilled cheese sandwich from a chicken. The sandwich was prepared using clothing irons and contained gouda, caramel, and apples. Daxo appeared to enjoy the experience considerably more than one might reasonably expect.
The establishment's entertainment consisted of mushrooms wired together to produce music, accompanied by numerous reflective surfaces that scattered light throughout the room. The resulting atmosphere was one of frantic, rhythmic stimulation, seemingly designed to overwhelm the senses and discourage rational thought.
We encountered several gentlemen sporting rather magnificent mustaches. Unfortunately, among them was the mustachioed gentleman responsible for spreading the appalling rumor that I enjoy mustache rides. I most certainly do not. There is precisely one face upon which I have any intention of sitting, and it belongs to my beloved. We are monogamous, thank you very much.
Mr. Mustache eventually asked whether I was seeing things. I pointed to the numerous insects crawling across his arms. There were none, of course. I was merely testing his lucidity. Curiously, however, I soon began noticing tiny prismatic insects perched upon the fingertips of various patrons.
Joc learned from the security personnel that the Demogorgon was located in the VIP section. Unfortunately, admission required 600 gold pieces per person. We discussed alternative methods of gaining access, as several members of our party lacked the necessary funds.
During this discussion, Joc announced that he was "more of a backdoor entrance kind of guy," although he was willing to go through the front. I cannot imagine why he felt compelled to introduce his sexual preferences into a conversation about infiltration strategies. Nevertheless, he certainly had my attention.
Without consulting a single member of the party, Sevas decided that magically charming the security personnel would be an excellent idea. It was not. His attempt immediately provoked hostilities.
Aura attempted to distract the guards by transforming into a saber-toothed tiger, leaping into the seating area, and requesting belly rubs from a woman wearing apple-bottom jeans and boots with fur. The woman graciously obliged.
Unfortunately, the security personnel remained entirely focused on murdering us. Mr. Mustache began loudly complaining that the Adventurers' Guild ruined everything and that he had merely wanted to enjoy himself. The patrons panicked and fled. Meanwhile, the chicken frantically attempted to gather its collection of clothing irons. Absolute chaos.
And all because Sevas couldn't resist charming someone without permission. The ensuing confrontation eventually left us with a surrendered survivor. Regrettably, the circumstances set in motion by Sevas necessitated that I execute the gentleman and extract his brain. Naturally, I consumed the organ using a tiny silver spoon. And do you know what his brain told me? The password to the VIP room was "the spiral."
Upon reaching the VIP entrance, we were presented with a rather peculiar question: "What is the manifestation of manliness, the thing that can pierce the heavens and also power mechs?" We supplied the appropriate password and were permitted to enter.
Inside, we discovered the Demogorgon, an enormous, two-headed giant surrounded by prostitutes. "What are you doing in the Demogorgon's den?" he demanded. He seemed skeptical that we had been granted legitimate entry. To establish our credibility, he suggested that we partake in recreational drugs with him. We elected to murder him instead.
As the battle unfolded around me, I found myself studying the Demogorgon with considerable interest. Despite his position of authority, he did not strike me as a particularly charismatic individual. Indeed, the people surrounding him appeared far more interested in exploiting his wealth and influence than cultivating any genuine affection for him. I began to wonder whether the poor creature had ever experienced true friendship. His involvement in the drug trade had seemingly created an environment in which every relationship was transactional. People approached him for what he could provide, not for who he was. How terribly lonely. For a brief moment, I almost pitied him. Unfortunately, we were rather committed to killing him by that point.
During the battle, Sevas fell victim to a magical enchantment that compelled him to attack his companions. Joc responded by driving a stake into him. Once Sevas regained his senses, he inexplicably refused to return the stake. I suppose everyone deserves a souvenir.
Eventually, the Demogorgon was defeated. With their employer dead, the prostitutes promptly departed, taking the establishment's remaining drugs with them. We made no attempt to stop them.
I suspect the regional drug problem may not be entirely resolved, but the immediate threat had certainly been eliminated. We returned to Springreach and reported our success to Wesley, who compensated us for our efforts.
I have rather special plans for this evening. I intend to greet my beloved wearing absolutely nothing but my birthday girl sash and plastic tiara. And, of course, I shall have my new magic wand. I am terribly curious to discover what Lola might agree to when I give it a little wave.
After all, a birthday girl deserves to have her wishes granted. Even if it isn't actually her birthday.
GM: Bikaji XV ⚜️ Gniles XVIIIReports have reached the Guild of undead wandering out of the woods near Springreach. Thralls have been spotted roaming the surrounding countryside, and the local population is understandably unsettled.
Unfortunately, Wesley had very little information to offer. He assured us that he'd sent parties out with considerably less, which I suppose was intended to be reassuring.
He seemed far more interested in eating his rice in a disturbingly sensual manner and paying the requisite cheese tax to Clementine, lest she abandon him.
We questioned several residents of Springreach and learned that the undead had been spotted along the road to Willow Creek.
A few curious individuals had attempted to investigate, only to find themselves under fire from arrows. Sensibly, they fled.
It seems our undead were not merely wandering aimlessly. Someone, or something, was sufficiently organized to mount a defense.
We eventually ambushed a group of zombies, among them an undead spellcaster.
Upon examining the remains, Sevas discovered a ring that appeared to originate from Avistan. An intriguing detail, particularly given the likelihood that its former owner had been a cleric.
Oh, the delicious irony.
To think that someone who had most likely spent their life preaching the sanctity of death and condemning undeath should find themselves shambling about as the very abomination they once despised.
I wonder whether any fragment of their former consciousness remained. Were they aware of what they'd become? Did they experience horror at their condition, or had death mercifully relieved them of the capacity for such distress?
While traveling along the road, we encountered Ska'nak accompanied by an ogre who possessed the most adorable little bone doll. I simply must find one like it for Lola. I'm certain she'd appreciate such a charming gift.
Unfortunately, Ska'nak nearly got several of us killed. By several, I mean all of us.
We learned that someone referred to as "Lady Boss" ordinarily visited each day to provide instructions to the undead. However, she had failed to appear today, leaving her minions to wander off unattended.
As it happened, those were the very undead we had recently dispatched.
How inconvenient.
Ska'nak subsequently asked us to eliminate a group of evil goblins lurking nearby. Given his recent contributions to our personal safety, I found his request particularly charming.
We ventured into the caves and discovered a considerable quantity of blood, along with a rather peculiar, peanut-shaped paladin.
An unexpected assortment of discoveries.
Things became considerably more chaotic when a stranger named Jessica fell into a hole. The paladin promptly leapt in after her, shouting something about "mind goblin peanuts."
I confess I have absolutely no idea what that was supposed to mean.
Quite unexpectedly, a monstrous beast erupted from the hole. I promptly banished the creature, allowing my companions to concentrate on the remaining threat.
They successfully dispatched the final mind goblin mage.
A satisfactory conclusion, although I remain curious about the peanut-shaped paladin, the mysterious Lady Boss, and, most importantly, where I might acquire one of those delightful bone dolls.
Lola deserves nice things. Preferably made from the remains of other things.
GM: Lola -8 || Sapphyre -12Our next assignment took us to Willow Creek, a village approximately a day's travel from Springreach. Apparently, the residents had been experiencing a rather unpleasant problem involving undead creatures eating the villagers.
The Guild had recently dispatched a team to address the situation, but their efforts had proven unsuccessful. Piprim had apparently destroyed a statue of Orcus rather than seeking an alternative solution. Evidently, this did not resolve the underlying problem.
When asked about our compensation, Wesley remarked, "I don't know where they get the money, but you'll get paid." A reassuring business arrangement.
Upon our arrival, Aura attempted to gather information from a blue jay. Unfortunately, Cori decided to demonstrate her magical talents by imitating a zombie, which frightened the poor creature away.
We spoke with several townsfolk, who confirmed that the Guild had visited a few weeks earlier. Unfortunately, the undead had since returned, suggesting that the previous expedition had accomplished very little.
One particularly knowledgeable villager explained that the necromancer responsible for the original disturbances had not been present during the Guild's previous visit. Upon returning to the cave, the necromancer apparently suffered a heart attack and died. A rather mundane end for someone engaged in such extraordinary pursuits.
Unfortunately, the necromancer's death had created an entirely new problem. A bulbous plant had taken up residence in the cave, enriching the surrounding soil and causing the corpses to rise again. Our informant assured us of these facts, citing his Monster Manual as a source.
At the entrance to the cave, we encountered an awakened mushroom singing enthusiastically about how wonderful life was. It was positively delighted to be alive, particularly since it had only gained sentience last Thursday. The mushroom explained that it served as the doorman and intended to announce our arrival. Apparently, announcing visitors was the only purpose it had ever been given. We couldn't have that. Cori promptly butchered it.
Inside, we encountered another mushroom, which Cori dispatched with a burst of cold magic. Joc eliminated a third with an arrow.
I eventually lost count of how many mushrooms we killed. Despite our best efforts to proceed quietly, they always seemed to sense our approach.
At some point during our exploration, Cori commented on Piprim's baby monkey ears. I have the distinct impression that this particular observation will be repeated frequently.
Deeper within the cave, we encountered several considerably more aggressive mushrooms guarding a pile of corpses. We dispatched the creatures and began examining the area. Sevas took the opportunity to consume the blood from one of the corpses. Apparently, it had the consistency of gelatin.
Joc immediately began scribbling furiously in a notebook before wandering off to sharpen a stick. I elected not to question either activity.
With Locke and Sevas assisting, I attended to the remains of the deceased, ensuring they were treated with an appropriate measure of dignity.
Among the items recovered were two Sending Stones, 178 gold pieces, 12 silver pieces, 26 copper pieces, and an Owlbear Snugglebeast.
Continuing our exploration, we discovered a tree adorned with hanging skulls. We destroyed it.
Joc subsequently discovered two chests containing an Everlasting Sugar Bomb, an Orb of Shielding against cold, and a Dress of Many Pockets.
The dress was a particularly practical discovery. One can never have too many pockets, especially when collecting specimens.
Eventually, we located the source of Willow Creek's troubles: a corpse flower. The grotesque plant had apparently been responsible for the continued reanimation of the dead. Beneath it, we discovered the remains of the unfortunate necromancer whose untimely heart attack had precipitated this entire affair.
During my examination of the body, I discovered that the deceased had concealed a magical item within what is rather indelicately referred to as the prison wallet. My companions appeared remarkably squeamish about investigating this particular anatomical hiding place. Really, some people.
I simply donned a pair of gloves and retrieved the object myself. It proved to be a Spell-Piercing Wand. I cannot fathom why anyone would choose such an inconvenient storage location. The potential for injury alone is considerable, particularly with an object of that shape.
With the corpse flower destroyed, the source of the undead infestation had finally been eliminated. We returned to report our success, and Wesley awarded us a bonus for ensuring that Willow Creek would remain safe. A satisfactory conclusion to a rather unusual expedition.
GM: Bikaji XV ⚜️ Gniles XVIIIWesley informed us of an unfortunate incident at Springreach University. Apparently, the university has implemented a new policy stating that an egg is not a presentation, and for rather tragic reasons. A student brought an egg into class, it hatched, and three students died. Our assignment was to dispose of the creature and determine where the egg originated.
Piprim was kind enough to provide us with Greater Healing Potions.
Upon arriving at SRU, we were greeted by an older orcish gentleman named Professor Farmslow. His class studies animals from other planes. His students had been given a research assignment, and one of them had spent the entire semester incubating an egg. Unfortunately, the resulting creature killed his two best students and his worst student.
The professor described the creature as having strange, remarkably fast limbs, something resembling a head or perhaps a claw, and two tails. He seemed quite fascinated by it. Apparently, it had been very small when it first hatched, but scrying into his classroom revealed that it had grown considerably.
Of particular scientific importance, Professor Farmslow verified for Piprim that eggs did, in fact, come before chickens.
The creature was nowhere to be seen when we entered the classroom. There was, however, a considerable amount of blood at the front of the room, along with the remains of a broken orange eggshell.
While Piprim searched for notes, the creature dropped from the ceiling and attacked! We dispatched it rather quickly, allowing me to begin an autopsy.
What a fascinating specimen! Its anatomy shared characteristics with both eels and crustaceans. I carefully cut it open, peeling back its tissues layer by layer to examine the internal structures. I discovered several peculiar, slimy organs in a delightful assortment of colors. Naturally, I intend to preserve them as wet specimens for further study.
My favorite discovery was what I believe to be its brain. It was a long, thin organ composed of numerous small, nugget-like structures connected in a chain. Quite unlike anything I've encountered before!
The creature appeared to have fed on the students before our arrival. Their remains were scattered throughout the classroom. Locke took the opportunity to rummage through their pockets in search of what he described as "clues."
Piprim discovered notes indicating that the student had purchased the egg at a farmers market in Springreach. Interestingly, there was something peculiar about how the market was mentioned, almost as though the student had hesitated while recording the information.
Locke interpreted this as evidence of something suspicious and suggested that we seek out someone named Horace.
By the time we arrived at the farmers market, most of the vendors were packing up. One exception was a heavyset, gray-bearded dwarf who appeared determined to remain at his stall. He was selling onions for the rather extraordinary price of 25 gold pieces.
After considerable hemming and hawing with Locke, he mentioned a woman who arrived each morning selling blue eggs. Apparently, she was usually sold out by 11 AM.
When we asked about Horace, the dwarf permitted us to pass behind his stall and descend into a rather strange area with unusual lighting.
What an interesting place!
The produce and meats available here were particularly unusual, especially the selection at Harby's. According to their advertisement, "We got the eats." I overheard a nearby gentleman remark, "It might be meat. It might be something else."
How reassuring.
Piprim subsequently became involved in an argument with a vendor who offered him meat on bread. He threatened to involve the health inspector, which resulted in the vendors promptly shuttering their establishments.
We encountered a possumkin performing dental work on a gentleman who was screaming rather enthusiastically.
"Third time's a charm," the dentist announced.
By this point, the unfortunate patient was missing five teeth, and the dentist had another two in his pliers. Naturally, I inquired whether he intended to keep them.
He informed me that this was an uncomfortable interaction.
Regrettably, he refused to part with any of the teeth.
Piprim asked how many teeth could be added to a person's mouth. Unfortunately, the dentist could only accommodate four additional teeth that day, although one of his available specimens was an orc tusk. He even offered to position it centrally for a more symmetrical appearance.
A unitooth, if you will.
We also learned that "Professor teeth are good teeth. Smart teeth."
Our enterprising dentist, Phil, was available to insert teeth any day except Sunday, when he was apparently confined to the drunk tank.
According to Phil, "We can only use the teeth we acquire in the drunk tank while in the drunk tank. There is usually a fight, and I won't ask where the teeth come from."
An unconventional approach to dentistry, certainly, but I must admire his resourcefulness.
Our investigation continued when Locke threatened a kobold gentleman whose fingers were covered in blisters.
The kobold had noticed a child leaving the market with one of the mysterious eggs concealed beneath a blanket. He explained that the man selling the eggs was not always present but happened to be there today.
His description of the supplier was remarkably concise: very ugly, impossible to miss, and located toward the northern end of the market.
We eventually located the gentleman in question, Ska'nak.
He was attempting to sell a magical shield for 1,500 gold pieces to settle his outstanding tab at Bendy's. During our conversation, I learned another fascinating piece of local wisdom:
"You gotta dip the spicy nuggets in the frosty."
Ska'nak refused Piprim's generous offer of 300 gold pieces for the shield, explaining that he needed the money to feed his bitey cat.
Eventually, we managed to redirect the conversation toward our actual investigation. Ska'nak provided us with a map leading to the outskirts of Springreach, where we arranged to meet him.
Upon our arrival, he escorted us into the woods.
"I'll only do this once. You're on your own for getting back, and we never met."
He then opened a portal and explained that we could find the eggs on the other side. Unfortunately, locating our way home would be our responsibility, as the return portal would be somewhere farther inside.
We emerged into a thoroughly psychedelic environment, surrounded by creatures resembling the specimen we had encountered at SRU.
The laws of physics appeared to behave rather unusually here, and time itself seemed to be nonlinear. A fascinating phenomenon that certainly warrants further investigation, preferably under circumstances involving fewer potentially murderous creatures.
Piprim enlarged himself and proceeded to deliver an impassioned speech about how his mother had always assured him that size didn't matter and that it was the thought that counted.
He then launched into an equally passionate monologue concerning his apparently forbidden love for Aura.
He is red. She is blue. He is machinery. She is nature.
Quite the predicament.
According to Piprim, the hussy had tempted him with such scandalous declarations as, "One minute is a long time."
I shall refrain from speculating on the anatomical implications.
We traveled across a series of floating islands in the Far Realm, exterminating the creatures we encountered along the way. Eventually, we discovered a gargantuan specimen that appeared to be several of the smaller creatures fused together. Quite fascinating!
Rattle delivered the killing blow, slicing across its throat and unleashing a tremendous amount of ooze directly onto Piprim. An unfortunate position to find oneself in.
Afterward, I discovered a bag concealed behind an altar. Inside were a mask, an amulet, and a cloak. Locke immediately put on the mask because it had apparently been whispering to him. A perfectly reasonable response to an unidentified magical object, I'm sure.
The amulet suited me rather nicely, Cori claimed the cloak, and I gave the bag itself to Aura.
We eventually located another rift and crossed through it, emerging in the very same stretch of woods where our expedition had begun.
Upon returning to the university, we informed Professor Farmslow that our investigation had taken us into the Far Realm. Naturally, he was eager to hear every detail of our discoveries.
He rewarded each of us with 300 gold pieces for our efforts.
A successful expedition, although I do wish we'd had more time to study the specimens.
GM: Daxo Paw ~12~ / Corinthia ~7 ~Locke, Elektra, and Joc have been on mission already to the Isle of Elysium. We needed to finish exploring, but we only were given 12 hours. We can not spend the night there. Captain Harlow took us by boat on an overnight trip.
We'll be looking for obelisks. They take magic power to activate. Every part of the island is a different biome, and the middle old ruins of an amphitheater. They belonged to an ancient wizard that went by many names. They were known to pull in people from everywhere. One day they just disappeared and went quiet. We needed to explore ruins and find out exactly what is there.
Deadly plants and undead were encountered on the last trip.
We were awoken at the crack of dawn. There is only one entrance: the drowned gallery. Obelisk in center dull white shallow blue glow.
Undead section cleared out after obelisk was activated.
Joc lead us. Larry said he was in charge.
Navigation Elektra made a forced march as quickly as possible. She punished us when we fell behind. Passed a fountain with coins inside. Elektra fished something out and put it in her pocket. I guess someone isn't getting that wish.
Aecension attempted to entertain us in our travels. It was grating. It attracted the ire of archer flowers and awakened trees.
We arrived at the obelisk and there were several Venus fly traps that were closed. There was a giant tree image on the ground. There were vines all around it. Locke asked Larry for an alchemist fire and Larry demanded to be called a good dog. Everyone's got their thing. We listen and we don't judge. Locke's familiar dropped in. Humanoid figures covered in slime came out of the venus fly traps. The main body of the plant reached out to reel people in. At one point it ate Larry.
Forested area full of marble statue. We were attacked by furries of unusual size. We defeated about half of them and the rest ran.
Beaten down to the point of almost death we decided to retreat for the the day. The next obelisk awaits our return.
